In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps ~ Proverbs 16:9
You know when you’ve made a decision, followed it through and then asked yourself: Why EVER did I do that? WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?
Yeah, well, that’s pretty much how I’m feeling right now. Plus empty, albeit confused. Well, if you want to know how not to do something, you might be able to learn a trick or two from me. Sigh.
Last year, God blessed me with exactly what I wanted. ME. Little ole me. The previous year my heart had been set on going to France, and I hoped to be able to live with Christian girls in a Christian coloc. And what did He bless me with? A job in France, and a home with Christian girl housemates. And SO MUCH MORE.
He gave me the desires of my heart.
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Okay, so it was also partly difficult; the work was difficult. But everything else? Pretty much perfect blessings from God. And even the difficult work brought me blessings. So you might be able to understand why I feel confused – as I’ve kinda just walked away from all that. (WHY!?)
I even met a lady in my church on Sunday – a newcomer, new to the area. We talk for a few minutes, and then we stumble upon the fact that I’m leaving the day after. And what do I start doing? Trying to hold back a puddle of tears ready to spill over, I excuse myself. I’ve probably scared the poor family away!
Okay, so as people have said, the door to go back is still ajar. I could go back. Next week even – as I’ve ironically got a pre-booked ticket going back there next week. I honestly have. But now I have no idea where God is leading me. Taking a ‘leap of faith’ has resulted in me feeling like this. Totallyconfused.com.
Have you ever been in 2 minds about something? Or make that 3, no 4, no actually, 7?!?
But it’s promised – that God is not a God of confusion.
For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
1 Corinthians 14:33
It’s promised that when we are weak, then we are strong. That God didn’t call us to a life without suffering, without pain – but that He will be with us wherever we go.
But this doesn’t change the fact, that it’s still difficult sometimes. I’m just looking forward to when I can look back, and see what God has taught me through all of this. I just wish I could see God’s bigger picture now, and not just the one tiny puzzle piece that I see, which just doesn’t make sense on its own. Only in God’s massive plan does it make sense.
Leaving for France on Saturday morning, I read in one of my daily devotionals the following verses:
- Whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he.
- [Abraham] did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform.
- The children of Judah prevailed, because they relied on the Lord their God of their fathers.
- God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
- Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.
- It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes.
- The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand.
- Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him. Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!
- There is no want for those who fear Him.
They remind me that I’ve got to continue to trust.
Here’s one encouraging blog post about a lady and God’s plans for her: https://lifeasfine.wordpress.com/2015/08/29/not-my-plans/
Plans better than her own.